Dear you

Dear Shyan,
It is torture to me that I can not communicate with you. I do like you, and I hope that I can know more about you. I did not like the way you treat me today. Silence meant nothing. I could not get you and I could not understand what you want to express if you said nothing. It is so hard for me to keep our relationship if you always remain silence when the problem comes out. I know that you did that because you did not want to argue with me, but I did not think stay silence would be the best way to solve the problem. If you do not communicate with me, the problems between us will be more and more. And I will be fed up with that someday if the shitty things repeat again and again. That causes me so tired. I feel so tried and hopeless. Please do not do that again, I can not stand it any more. Please do not…


Best Regards
Samantha

Looking forward.

Past was passed, Annie told me...

So it's time to move on, I tell myself
That's also what I want to tell you
I know that you know what I meant

Everything bad and shitty won't come to you once more
look forward, follow you intention to do everything in your mind
and wait for your shining life
I can see, and you can feel...

I do believe
Because past really passed totally...

best wishes

It's glad to hear that you know what I meant.

Although something will be left in your heart it will just be a memory, not in the reality.
And I know if we want to let something past,
we have to spend time and wait...
Wait for your shining and bright life, as I said...
It's coming now.
You r a clever one, you know...

These days just focus on our final term exams
no more shitty things will influence our life any more
I still do believe, and trust you can control everything
because you have lots kind of power
all caused your shining and lovely smile
ha ha ha...

best wishes...

hard

While I want to write an article to state about my life
or even about my emotion caused things happened in my daily life.
I usually meet the obstacle on my way,
To study and use it for years already,
but how come I couldn't use it easily as the moment I want,
especially for chatting with others and my foreign friends.
There's less vocabulary in the tiny memory of my brain,
and these days, the progress of extending it is getting slower.
Cause is lazily is nature of human beings, ha ha ha...

That's one of the big problems for me.

Not trash talk tonight, and I really want to improve my foreign language ability,
good for me now, and also for my future.
Well, do more effort...It's a long way to go.

I should and I will, come with me if you want to join in.

Do you know?

I was in Starbucks last night.
There were much more people there than usual.
I heard their talking, their discussion, and their chatting,
but no body there listened to me, cause I was coming alone.
Even if I was going just myself, I didn’t think I’m alone,
Actually, I even heard myself told that…
“I was already got used to be one…”

So what?!

I had strong desire to consider of abandoning something,
because I felt over loading of each stuff from life recently.
No question to anyone, but my life and my personal feeling for something.
Exhausted!

Just want to ask that…
“Hey, could you stop your steps to watch me?”
“Hey, could you spend one minute to talk with me?”
“Hey, could you stay your sight on me once?”
“Hey, could you put me on a real position to you?”
“Hey, could you feel my tired when you look at me?”
“Hey, could you try to hear me?”
“Hey, could you…”

Finally, I knew I’m still alone at last,
can’t cheat myself, and can’t let you know…
Something be with me, just a cup of hot black coffee,
bitter but suit me there.

Do you know?

What a tough situation to me

I don't know how to say, but just know that I put myself in a tough situation recently.
Actually, I still think about things between us, but always don't know why.
I know that the timing to give you up may come much more earlier than my idea and my setting,
although I really hesitate that abandon myself on you or not, I know that is what should I do, I have to and I'll do. Just don't want to experience this situation anymore, because it is always very hard and tough to me, to make any decision or any choice, I couldn't handle myself easily, because each one is hard anyway. Maybe that's my problem, coz that was what I ever told u, I do hope that we can look forward in the future not currently, but so sorry about that, I'll fail probably. Not because the feeling is gone, just u let me know that I couldn't see myself in your eyes and mind, even just only a piece of, no... so if I have any decision, just have to say sorry for myself, and also you, because that means I didn't take my responsibility for the words which I told you.
Now I'm trying to calm myself down, but not sure yet what I'll be, just keep thinking.
I never talk to anyone these words; just keep it in my mind.
Don't know why and how, but I know the timing for us is closer and closer, I have no power and
no right to change it, what I can do is seeing and accept all.
I always tell myself like that, always.

Sorry, guys.

Finally, I didn't let it be, and I let it go.
I don't know what I'm thinking about for now;
just know that's what a mess idea in my mind.
But please don't say sorry to anyone, because no one was wrong,
and to hear "sorry" always makes me down,
even although, I still did it, because I broke my words to you.
Just take care of yourself. You have to.

People around me said that I'm getting strange recently,
but they can't tell specifically; just felt that I'm strange.
That made me wonder, because I also have no idea that what happened to me,
just felt low desire to do something,
just want to keep my willing for things I want.
Sorry guys, if I really let you feel strange or weird.